Would you be open to a conversation about your current health, your love of life/living, and planning for your death? Maybe two out of three? I have observed in “American” culture (an overly broad category including a great diversity of cultures, races, ethnicities, generations, and genders), and experienced personally, that people shy away from these conversations.
In contrast, I find that having open, exploratory, and deep discussions about ideas, questions, and wishes for the end of our lives often leads to a greater appreciation of every moment we are alive and an increased sense of peace about our final days. It is ideal to have these conversations, over time, with those closest to us (family members, a best friend, or an inner circle of friends). Often, that is a challenging place to begin. Is that surprising to you?
Last year, in my role as a chaplain in a hospital setting, I was uniquely placed to talk with patients about the challenges they were facing with their health and to imagine their futures. We talked about the changes in their lives, the quality of their lives, their relationships, fears and hopes, and how they wanted their lives to be at the end. These were special times. It would be my wish that we all had these conversations in our close relationships.
With whom, and how, do you wish to spend your final days? What are the directions you will give to your family members or close friends so that your wishes about how you will live/what measures will be taken to keep you alive and how you desire to die?
Everyone I speak with and record for (graphically recording their end-of-life wishes) wants to be at home surrounded by family. Happily, there has been a decrease in the number of Americans dying in hospitals and an increase in people dying at home and in hospice. Regardless of where we die, if we want the ends of our lives to be in alignment with our values and wishes, we must plan for it. We need to find a way into conversations with those who may be involved in the process.
If you are looking for resources available for planning your someday death, we (www.veoli.net) have information that can help you begin the journey. Please reach out to me so that I can help you take a step on the path to planning and to enjoying even more fully every day of your life.
Just in case you would like to learn more about what a chaplain does, here is a link to the zine I created for patients and families. If this can be of use to you, please reach out to me (jill@jillgreenbaum.com) and I will send a paper copy.